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Mental Health

Issues with Homosexuality

05/14/2007

Question:

To whomever it may concern,

I am in the middle of a big problem. I do not want to commit suicide, and I am not in a situation to consult with a doctor. The problem is, I am gay. No one except me knows this. My parents are forcing me to get married. How can I marry a girl if I am gay? I don`t want to spoil that girl`s life. I cannot tell this to my parents either because I think they cannot handle that fact. Seriously, I am addicted to gay sex. I am totally desperate because of this behavior. Is there any cure for this homosexuality? This is not a joke . I am fed up. I know it`s not an emergency service. But I have been suffering from this mental problem since I was born. What do I have to do? Do you have a remedy? Please help me.

Answer:

Thank you for your question. Although you summarized the major issues in the confines of this website, clearly there is much more there. It is noble of you to identify that all is not well in your concern for others and yourself.

As implied, there is no easy answer to your situation. This is not a question of taking an antibiotic for an acute infection. At the same time, help is available, as outlined below.

The first set of issues relates to your relationship with others. It would be difficult under any circumstances for a marriage to be forced. Conscientious parents want their children to be happy and would accept at some level that a marriage should be considered freely and without coercion. You can remind your parents of that.

Without entering into too many details or reasons, would your parents accept that you are not interested in marriage now? Qualifying your answer as "not now" can buy you some time. With that extra time, I strongly recommend that you seek psychotherapy in your area. You could consult with your primary care physician or another entrusted party for a referral to a psychotherapist. Privacy is crucial in any such work, and yours should be respected in session and related interactions.

In establishing an appointment with a potential psychotherapist, you may want to mention a few of the areas that concern you. Then, you can ask if this person has any experience or views on the matter. See if this response fits with what you have in mind. Keep in mind that psychotherapy is ultimately a process of discovery and synthesis ideally. It can take a few sessions to know what psychotherapy is about. The goal of that course of therapy is for you to arrive at a decision and resolution that are comfortable for you. This, too, should not be forced. Good therapy is good therapy.

May you embark on a course that leads to greater happiness for yourself and a balance regarding people connected to you.

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Response by:

Ram Chandran  Kalyanam, MD Ram Chandran Kalyanam, MD
Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychiatry
College of Medicine
The Ohio State University